Tonight I feel like I should share more of my story. On a night where history is made. Where Roe vs Wade has been overturned. I pray for my boys, my future grandkids, my nieces, my nephews, their beautiful kids, and our next generation. Do I believe in abortion? Absolutely not but … the what if’s are there. Do I believe every baby conceived is meant to be on this earth. God works in so many ways that I can’t answer that. But believe every life should  Absolutely be given a chance.  Being mom and carry my babies I could never abort them or give them up. But when you have been abused sexually there is that mental and emotional factor that some may not be able to handle carrying a child to full term or even raise the child. Being a 46 year old female who was not only sexually abused, mentally abused and physically abused I could promise you I would not abort a pregnancy only because I have had the support and stability over the years but what if I had not … I could not promise! and today that choice was taken away! I was 12 years old when someone I was supposed to call step dad, a Christian man who was ordained by the church made a move. What if I had gotten pregnant? What if it was today? At 12 my body would not have been able to carry a baby. At 12 how would I have cared for a child? My mom would have had another child she did not carry. I am thankful this  was not the case. But what if it happened today? I pray for what’s next? What’s next … how much of our freedom will be taken away? Seriously all I can do is pray!!! 

Love - Lost

I came across this picture and it has been on my mind! I mean look at it. It says SO much! 

LOVE - LOST

 ... once you have loved you never loose the memories of that love! 

Whether you are the one lost find yourself --- YOU have to LOVE YOURSELF! 

YOU are AMAZING! YOU need YOU! YOU got this! YOU can do it! As long as you Love yourself you will never be lost!!! Take the time to walk away, do what you love to love yourself.

To love and loose a loved one is the hardest and can push you to feel lost. Trust me when I say that love is never lost!! Every single day my sweet grandmothers and granddads remind me they are still here may not be here physically beside me but little things I say, my kids say, things I do, pictures, memories ... <3 

I have to remind myself that those that are here with us that we have to show them, tell them and remind them that we love them. Create more memories. Don't hold grudges, rekindle relationships with those who we once loved and still love because they are not lost but just far away! (maybe someone sitting right beside you or someone many miles away) 

It all starts with YOU --- LOVE YOURSELF and you will not be LOST!!! YOU will be able to conquer the world! 

I Told My Story Today

Sometimes you just feel that comfortable or the need to tell your story is there!! 

With homeschooling my 2 younger boys we have joined in on some "PE" fun and love to social with others who homeschool. Every Friday we go bowling. Almost the same kids and moms every week. I'd say not only the kids have become friends but so have the moms. Not sure how but today I told the moms My story. It's not the easiest story to tell but when you feel you are in your safe space it makes it much easier. Someone needed to hear it … It may have been for me. A reminder of what my sisters and I went through, how strong we have become!!! Not that we need a reminder of the abuse but the reminder that we made it through the abuse!! We are strong women who have kids of our own who we would do anything to keep them from what we went through. A reminder that our/my story can help someone else!

I have decided to make a few of my blog post public because of today. Why because I am NOT ashamed of the abuse I faced as a teen. I want YOU to know because if YOU know then my story maybe the answer to helping someone else. Or helping YOU to recognize abuse.

Sexual, Mental and Physical Abuse is NOT OK!!!

I AM AN ADULT WHO SURVIVED CHILD ABUSE!!! 

I have not forgotten or will never forget! I don't know if I can say I forgive him completely but I know that I have had to learn over the years it was NOT my fault. I did nothing wrong nor did I deserve what happened. And I am ok! 

If you know someone or think you know someone who is being abused call someone!! There are ways to report without them knowing who reported it. One of the moms today said "I would rather falsely accuse someone to be safe and say I am sorry later then to let something you feel strongly that is happening to continue." 

I wish someone would have called for my sisters, mom and I!!! 

This link gives you a toll free number where you can report any type of child abuse. https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/reporting/how/

Below Sea Level to Higher Elevations

This past week I went from Sea Level to Higher Elevations!! 

Pensacola FL to Tao's NM

Leaving on Wednesday and back on the next Monday. 

My sweet baby sister married her true best friend. 

Such an amazing place Tao's is --- if you have never been you should really try to plan a trip. I did not met a stranger. The things I saw made me think of how fast life is. In Tao's it doesn't seem that anyone lives in the fast lane. Everyone is almost in slow mode. But not really if that makes sense. My new friends in Tao's taught me something very important this past weekend --- too slow down, think of who and what is the most important, make you happy, and love everyone. (Not that I did not already know this) Just by watching I realized I have been living in the fast lane for SO long that you forget to live for who or what you love, too slow down, make me happy, and to love everyone no matter who or what is happening, Not for what you don't have, for someone else, money, stress, etc ... 

After seeing herds of Elk, a coyote running across the road, beautiful mountains, and the most beautiful outside wedding ever I need more outside time. Whether it be here or there --- lol 

To sum it up --- we all should take time to think about how we live. Do we rush around, stress, stay depressed, let anxiety win --- Ask yourself WHY? 

Slow down and remember to slow down, think of who and what is the most important, make you happy, and love everyone. 

Positive Changes

Have you ever felt depressed or anxious?  Things to help you stay positive. These are ideas that I feel will help someone who feels anxious and depressed.  I have seen these ideas work with my own eyes.  

 

1. Become more aware of the causes of the anxiety situation. 

Such as where you are. Who's around. How loud it is.  Is it hot or cold. etc ... 

2. Keep  occupied: Don't spend a lot of time laying or sitting around doing nothing. If you do its more likely that it will result in thinking about what upsets you. Consider spending your time doing something such as cleaning your bedroom, reading a book or going for a walk. 

3. Exercise: Working out on a regular basis is able to help reduce your anxiety level. Simple things such as walking or doing yoga.

4. Help others as a way of helping yourself: If you spend your time doing positive things it will have a positive effect on how you feel about yourself. Spending time helping others is an effective way of directing your anxiety into something constructive. 

5. Think positively: If you spend time thinking positively about things and how you feel they will turn out, it will have a positive effective on your overall condition. Positive thinking is one of the most effective ways of reducing your anxiety level.

6. Spend time talking: It can be a rather pleasurable experience, talking with a friend or family member. Take some time to meet up with friends or family members so that you can have your ideal discussions. This way you will focus your energy and thoughts on something constructive and not on your feelings of anxiety.

7. Spend time laughing: You should never be too afraid to unwind. The reality is that laughter is highly effective at reducing your anxiety level, as it prevents you from worrying and feeling too miserable. So spend some time watching a funny movie or TV show. Do things which make you happy, regardless of how silly it may be.

Always Thankful

#Truth

You know sometimes we forget this.  I know I do.  And sometimes we have to have bad days to make us remember to always be thankful. 

#thankfulforbaddays

Heavy On My Heart

Where I work we have a few regular customers who come in almost once a week. They are best friends! Sweetest ladies ever!! They normally come in with different children each time as well as a few of the same ones. A couple of weeks ago I decided to ask --- Where they all there children/grand children? NO, they are both foster parents!   Who are best friends and are helping each other take care of these kids who have been through physical, mental and sexual abuse. 

This past week one of the ladies came in by herself. So I asked where her friend was. Her response. You remember the little girl she had a few weeks ago and went home? My response with a gasp I said yes.  Well, turns out the friend was on the way to pick up the little girl from Child Services again!!! I was almost in tears when she said and the mother who was found passed out on drugs left her with the new boy friend. The new boy friend raped the little girl. 

I just stood there in awe trying not to break down. All I could say is what is wrong with the system. I started thinking about my past. After the physical abuse of being thrown down a flight of stairs, beat with a weight belt, locked in my bedroom for hours, told I was nothing and never would be, sexual abused and lots more that will blow you away --- all by a man my mother married. Who threatened if I told he would kill the 2 most important women in my life --- my grandmother and mother. Who had everyone fooled that he was a good church going man who believed in the word of God.  Took us to church every single Sunday. We "lived" the perfect life in everyone eyes we were around. And I wonder what is wrong with the system!!! That's why!! Because you can't tell who the good and the bad are anymore! This lady who came into the shop said the mother had to attend a program and she fooled everyone so this little girl was given back --- and now because her mother is ok this little girl will live the rest of her life in and out of foster homes, looking at every in a different light, fearing what is next until she finds out who she is --- SO MUCH MORE!!! One day she will be thankful for the ones who took her in and loved her. 

This is one of the reasons I started this blog and this conversation with this customer made me think -- this is why you need to tell your story. There is someone out there going through how you have felt for years. How on some days you think you see this person in the rear view mirror and your heart starts racing from fear. How you try to say I forgive you but I never will forget! How you protect your very own children. Why you shut down on harder days. These are real feelings that when you have been through these struggles that build that strength! Having faith, family, friends and not in my case but in the little girls case a loving foster parent who takes you in an shows you what love really is!!! Helps you find find you!! Gives you the space to grow! Supports you!! Tells you that you are a person who is of worth! Hugs you!! 

Remember EVERYONE is SO MUCH MORE then a mother, father, husband, wife, brother, sister, friend, aunt, uncle, friend, niece, nephew, boss, employee, child, adult!!! We ALL have feelings and hurt in different ways.